The Cosmopolitan Hour

Episode 77

2011-12-26T09:47:00.000-08:00

Totem pole shenanigans, vegan idioms, and more!

Click here to listen to Episode 77

Episode 76

2011-12-12T14:07:00.000-08:00

Iron Maiden can’t be bought. But The Cosmopolitan Hour can, for a mere fistful of donuts and twenty gallons of beer. Our Sugar Mama Jengomonas pays us a visit from Land O’Donuts (aka Las Vegas) and spoils us like an ambassador! Plus, she is one funny ass ladybro. Listen and enjoy.

Click here to listen to Episode 76 now!

Episode 75

2011-12-05T23:03:00.000-08:00

Reporting back on the 1% of podcasts, When Hippies Become Bosses, and we talk about movies and tv and stuff.

Click here to listen to Episode 75

Episode 74

2011-10-31T22:01:00.000-07:00

Why is it we’re expected to laugh when a man is sexually assaulted? And on the topic of assaults, Jordan gently reminds us of the true meaning of “triggering.” Earthquakes! And Crazy! And finally, we preach to the choir and sing the praises of the Occupy movement. Oh and PS France hates vegetarians; hence, animals.

Click Here to Listen to Episode 74

Episode 73

2011-10-24T13:35:00.000-07:00

We get all highbrow and discuss ART! Plus some other junk, ya know.

Click here to listen to Episode 73 now!

Episode 72

2011-10-12T17:26:00.000-07:00

Butts.

Click here to listen to Episode 72!

Episode 71

2011-09-19T09:56:00.000-07:00

We return to San Francisco with two new secret boozy locations! Jordan introduces a new segment with the inspiring tale of an intrepid vegan who raised $10,000 in donations for... her vacation. Erika laments the disappearance of a San Francisco institution. Plus, wiseassery.

Click here to listen to Episode 71 right now!

Vida Vegan Con Special Part 2

2011-09-05T12:46:00.000-07:00

Part two of our coverage of Vida Vegan Con is here. We interview Panda with Cookie, Kittee of xgfx.org and Papa Tofu, Terry Romero, and more! Clearly with the best minds in veganism all in one place, we could have asked some hard-hitting questions and explored some really complex dilemmas. Instead, we opted to talk about cats and farts and stuff. You were expecting Diane Saywer?

Click here to listen to the Vida Vegan Con Special, Part 2!

Vida Vegan Conference Special Part 1!

2011-08-29T16:14:00.000-07:00

We came! We saw! We talked! Now you too can experience (or re-live) the exciting events of Vida Vegan Conference 2011. Join us as for pre-flight drinks in Oakland, an opening address from hysterical bitch Laura Beck of Vegansaurus!, a sneak peek at the hottest new linguistics trend courtesy of Ben from Suicide Food, and much, much more. We had a blast making this, we hope you have half as much fun listening!

Listen to Part 1 of the Vida Vegan Con Special now!

We're TV stars!

2011-08-28T16:03:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! We're having a blast here at Vida Vegan Con (what else is new?), and we just recorded a mini promo video! Now you can watch voices come OUT OF FACES. It's a whole new Cosmopolitan Hour experience! CAN YOU HANDLE IT?!?!?!

Watch our short video! It's only about 4 minutes. How can you say no to that? What else would you do with 4 minutes? Give someone CPR? Get a life, you jerk!

Having a blast at Vida Vegan Con!

2011-08-28T14:42:00.000-07:00

The plan was to upload snippets and photos to the blog throughout the weekend, but holy shmoley! These fine ladies have been keeping us busy with fun events and simply talking with friends old and new. Suffice to say we are having the time of our lives. For realz.

The good news is that Erika has already begun editing the first part of our VVC special episode(s?), and we will be uploading a new episode to make love to your ears, right on schedule, tomorrow!

We'll also be uploading some fun photos and!!! Linking to a short video that we just recorded for the live stream!

(it's okay, you can watch it again even though it's no longer live.)

Thanks for listening, and stay golden!

We Have a Winner!

2011-08-24T13:26:00.000-07:00

This was really, really hard. Seriously! It sounds like something cliched people say after contests, but to quote Crackers in Pink Flamingos, we "wouldn't shit ya." We wish everyone who entered could attend- and even though we can only give away one more entry to the Con, we sincerely hope to meet and mingle with all of you at all the public events and in the bee-yootiful Portland area this weekend!

That said, we proudly announce that celyn, you are going to Vida Vegan Con this weekend! It was a close race, but ultimately celyln's tale of selflessly spending a small fortune on her ailing kitty's medical care won us over- vegans are suckers for a sick kitty story, and Jordan and I are no exception. In fact, we've both shared your experience of forgoing our own health insurance while paying dearly for our befurred ones' care, and we know from experience that if anyone has earned a mini-vacation, it's you.

Congratulations to celyn, and thank you deeply to everyone who participated. We are truly thankful for everything you do for the vegan community and, most importantly, the animals! We look forward to meeting you all this weekend.

MINUTE TO WIN IT SWEEPSTAKES

2011-08-23T12:05:00.000-07:00

Hello! My name is Erika and my friend Jordan and I do a once-in-a-weekly podcast called The Cosmopolitan Hour. We have exciting news at this late hour!

We are procrastinators. I mean, obviously. But we’ve got our reasons: Jordan is biking 30-60 miles a day to train for the Ride to the Light Three-Sanctuary Century; and I am working my way through the Buffy: the Vampire Slayer on Netflix from the comfort of my beer can fort; not to mention we both work full time. You may be like us. You are busy, or float around happily with your head in the clouds, or perhaps come from a dimension that experiences time differently than we do in ours. Whatever the reason, time slips away from you. You needed to get to Vida Vegan Con, you meant to, and you didn’t.

But you still could.
A good procrastinator always has a good reason (Id., Buffy). Just give us your best reason in the comments below. That’s it. Give us a reason to give you the last ticket to Vida Vegan Con 2011.

Here are the rules:

1. This giveaway is for one entry to the conference only. The winner must be in the Portland area or able to get to the Portland area and house themselves for the conference. Seriously: Do not enter this contest if you cannot get to Portland by this weekend (that’s Portland, Oregon. Just to be clear).

2. Jordan and I are the judges. Our whims are unpredictable and fanatical, and you are at our mercy. So it’s best to just be honest and be yourself.

3. Your comment must be posted by Midnight PST tonight! The winner will be announced Wednesday at Noon PST. And we really will try to make that deadline!

4. Your entry must fit in the comment box! Keep it brief, and beautifully punctuated, and leave us wanting more. We will say, “my goodness, we must meet this charming internet stranger. They gave us just the right amount of scintillating detail that we must learn more from them, immediately, and therefore they wiiiiiiiiin!”

Some examples of good reasons:

“Last Chanakah, my husband cashed in his frequent flier miles to buy me a ticket to Portland, but I had spent my Vida Vegan Con money on a handsome faux-leather carrying case for his frequent flier card. Oh, the bitter irony!”

“My bastard boss wouldn’t let me know if I could take this week off until too late. Now he changed his mind and has told me it is in fact the only time off I am allowed all year until Christmas.”

“I’m passionate about veganism and looking to build a community with friends and colleagues this weekend. I never thought I would make it out to Portland from Allentown, but after my surprise quickie wedding to a flight attendant in Atlantic City last month, I can fly when I want, where I want!”

So what are you waiting for? Go!

Episode 70

2011-08-22T21:00:00.000-07:00

We relocate to yet another exciting bar to delegate super powers, discuss the Bay Area Rapid Transit's shortcomings (namely: BART cops keep killing civilians), and some other stuff, all while keeping a shrewd eye on the SFPD while they attempt to hassle commuter cyclists.

Click Here to Listen to Episode 70.

Epishode Shixshtynine

2011-08-02T21:16:00.000-07:00

We're back in the cave, talking about cavey things! And drinking with dainty glasses.

Click here to listen to Episode 69

Episode 68

2011-07-26T09:31:00.000-07:00

Makeovers, tourists, and more!

Also: Autumn is Numero Uno!!!

click here to listen to Episode 68

Episode 67

2011-07-18T09:28:00.000-07:00

A podcast in three acts! First: the vegan community has $2,500 burning a hole in its pocket! We offer a humble reality check on what that kind of money could accomplish for veganism (hint: it's not a laptop). Second: we Hit the Streets and discuss our hatred of unnecessary English-language remakes. Third: We hide out in a cave and discuss sexist and speciesist ad campaigns. Rage with us, won't you?

Click here to Listen to Episode 67

Your Money: Give Us It.

2011-06-28T12:25:00.000-07:00

Please stay tuned for an important message from The Cosmopolitan Hour:

We like to drink. We like to podcast. We think we do the latter better when we combine it with the former.

Over the past two-and-a-half years, Jordan and Erika have provided you with quality (and not-so-quality) ruminations on our world from a feminist and vegan perspective. We've talked with such vegan luminaries and Isa Chandra Moskowitz and Laura Beck. We've reviewed vegan books and movies. Most importantly, we've kept you up to date on the things that bother us, the people who really matter, and we've used a lot of bad words doing it.

We recently realized that while some podcasts are fundraising for fancy microphones and editing equipment, we’ve been giving away our golden voices and platinum-plated ideology for free, like suckers! So it’s time to start paying up, listeners.

We want to drink more beer so that we can bring you more and higher quality entertainment. Sure, we could pay for it with our own money, that we get from working jobs, but why would we do that when there are people out there willing to throw money at us simply by virtue of our having voiced a desire to receive it?

[Actually, we’re not really asking for beer money. We’re audacious assholes, don’t get us wrong, but even we have our limits. We’re really going to give the money to the coordinators of Vida Vegan Con, a vegan blogging conference, to sponsor a low-income ticket to this year’s sold-out event. Podcasting should be free to do- and learn- for everyone.]

What, you want a kickback? We can arrange that. Here is our tiered prize system:

$1-25 will get you a mention and corresponding adulation on the podcast (unless you don't want us to).

$25 will get you a super duper Cosmopolitan Hour t-shirt!

If you want to give more than $25, then holy crap, you spoil us, Ambassador! We would, I don’t know, take you to one of the Bay Area’s premiere tiki bars and proceed to work our way through both the drinks menu and the spectrum of human emotions. It would start with a Macadamia Chi Chi and an “I love you, man!” and end with a Borneo Fogcutter and “I never realized that I needed to forgive my parents,” with a Scorpion Bowl and “I mean, we’re all the same, really” somewhere in between. [Yeah, that sounds about right].

Episode 66

2011-06-20T22:47:00.000-07:00

We take spam seriously! And explore whether real lesbians actually exist in the wake of LesblogGate. Plus, Shenanigans and Japes from the Sporting World with That Gentleman of Funny Stories, Pranjal.

Click Here to listen to Episode 66

Episode 65

2011-06-20T22:44:00.000-07:00

Sports, listener emails, vegan possum/raccoon meat substitutes, the Return of The Great Endless Burrito Debate (2011 Edition), spirit animals, and more weird street harassment.

Click here to listen to Episode 65

Episode 64

2011-05-23T20:33:00.000-07:00

We get waist-deep in a whole lotta reader mail and then tackle a bunch of feminist issues, plus we address Danielle Steele's problem with San Francisco.

Click here to listen to Episode 64!

Episode 63

2011-05-17T13:40:00.000-07:00

The Cosmopolitan Hour gets transformed into Mean Girls for Episode 63! We read some fan mail, discuss fashion, and then talk shit about commoners in the street from our high horses.

Click Here to Listen to Episode 63

Episode 62

2011-05-09T10:38:00.000-07:00

Peg Bundy. Don’t hassle us, we’re locals. Our favorite show and the resulting all girl vegan motorcycle gang. Jordan wants you to wear a helmet, or else a serial killer will abduct you in France! The living soap opera of douchey bike hipsters, weird looking boobs, and San Francisco’s cutest hobo that is Jack Kerouac Alley. Plus a showdown faceoff between the Canadian and American ten dollar bills. WHICH COUNTRY WILL WIN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE?!?! Also, our long-anticipated and highly sought opinions on StockPhotoGate 2011. Gross dudes hollerin in the street. Damn, we talk about a lot this week.

Click here to listen to Episode 62

Episode 60.5

2011-04-17T17:28:00.000-07:00

Guess what? We recorded two versions of Episode 60! Turns out our recorder is not the piece of crap we thought it was.

In this episode we discuss slap-happy frat boy pervs in punk bars, illegal immigrants fight back, Scientology and other ridiculous religions, goin’ home to Mama Canada, and more about our crazy exes.

Click here to listen to Episode 60.5

Episode 60.0

2011-04-11T12:07:00.000-07:00

As the name implies, we may be back with even more Episode 60 fun later this week! For now, enjoy part one of our conversation all about Nic Cage's finer films, Jordan's best week ever, and more!

Click here to listen to Episode 60.0

Episode 59

2011-03-17T09:25:00.000-07:00

We're back with more than an hour of drink-sodden madness as we discuss some more stuff, most of which we can't remember.

Click here to listen to Episode 59

Episode 58

2011-02-21T20:41:00.000-08:00

We get sloppy at our new favorite bar, 15 Romolo and talk about body hair. Really, that’s most of the episode. It’s either our best or worst podcast ever.

This is a court-mandated Public Service Announcement: Please, don’t drink and pod.

Click here to listen to Episode 58

Episode 57

2011-02-07T13:54:00.000-08:00

Piss, vinegar, and Venezuelan corn! Wacky stories of historical San Francisco! Erika’s life plan to be an irresponsible 19 year old even though she’s 31! We pitch a Lifetime Movie!

Click here to listen to Episode 57

Episode 56

2011-01-24T15:51:00.000-08:00

We interview a special guest, Kelly Peloza, author of The Vegan Cookie Connoisseur, and discuss a bunch of other pertinent (sorta) topics. Please tell us, do you hear a ghost at 2:57? More importantly, why would there be a ghost in Erika's house and what is it trying to say?

Click here to listen to Episode 56.

Episode 55

2011-01-10T00:42:00.000-08:00

We talk about Dudes We Love, hire a new producer, plan for our celebration of San Francisco in film, the women gangsters who terrorized Victorian London, stupid rich assholes, and we answer email, plus Erika gets a BIG SURPRISE!

Episode 55 comes with a special video supplement! You can download it via iTunes or view it on The Cosmopolitan Hour’s YouTube channel.

Click Here to Listen to Episode 55.

Episode 54

2010-12-13T00:30:00.000-08:00

Our first episode using new and improved technology! We discuss language, gender, the news, and Erika's dogs get really, really weird.

Click Here to Listen to Episode 54!

Episode 53

2010-12-07T14:39:00.000-08:00

Weather! Balls! Gender! We cut out the five minutes of Jordan and Erika trying to get a good photo of Molly with her ears flipped inside out. Because we’re professionals. But not professional enough to keep the cell phone far away from the mic! Enjoy!

Click here to listen to Episode 53

Episode 52

2010-11-29T10:10:00.000-08:00

We discuss Buy Nothing Day, Lifetime movies, and the horrifying details of the jobs we quit after one day: Chair-eating rats! Pouches of sauce! The casual breakroom racism!

Click here to listen to Episode 52.

Episode 51

2010-11-17T00:16:00.000-08:00

In this episode we explore Kentucky fried justice, vegan sex lives, fitness and well-being (including the conceptualization of The Cosmopolitan Hour Booze Workout), and run the gamut of vegan girly media: the tired ‘culture clash’ scenario, Veronica Mars, Twin Peaks, Battlestar Galactica, and more!

Click Here to Listen to Episode 51

Our 50th Episode Gift to You

2010-11-12T16:08:00.001-08:00

We are so filled with love that we went back and made sure that every single one of our episodes is still available for you to listen to online! Well, that, and Erika really needed to do something productive to self-justify quitting her latest temp assignment after only one horrible day.*

The service that hosts our episodes, Internet Archive, is a non-profit that hosts all sorts of media files for free in the interests of enriching the cultural history of humanity. Which means they probably didn't count on slobs like us crashing their party, but also means that we can't complain too much when they do annoying things like change the location of our files so that hotlinks on the blog no longer work.

But it's all water under the bridge now, and all the missing episodes are re-linked in their respective blog entries on this very site! You may now, once again, listen to Episodes 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 30, 31, 33, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, and 47 online, right on your computer. I could hotlink all those episodes in this post but goddamn, no way.

If, in the future, you are unable to listen to an episode from the blog, please let us know and we'll do what we can to fix it! You can email us at TheCosmopolitanHour (at) gmaildotcom or write on our Facebook wall. And if it's really really urgent, like you need to settle a bet with your friend about whether you can totally hear Isa Chandra Moskowitz farting in the background of Episode 10, you can find all our episodes by searching for "The Cosmopolitan Hour" on www.archive.org.

Thanks for listening!

*Details coming in Episode 51!

Episode 50 ExtraVeganZa!

2010-11-01T11:09:00.001-07:00

It's the 50th Episode, you dudes! To celebrate, we drink some actual Cosmopolitans, get sloppy, and say ridiculous shit. Plus, another one of Pranjal's Funny Stories, stompin' on fat haters, and the dish on the 20th High School reunion. Not one of ours, Jordan's husband's, because he's old.

Click here to Listen!

Episode 49

2010-10-11T17:15:00.000-07:00

Two very special guests join us in the recording studio (aka Casanova Lounge): representing the Vancouver Giant Vagina Society and the East Coast Franco-Canadian Cult Deprogramming Association, respectively, are Jordan's siblings Jamie and Jessica. We discuss Supreme Master and Heaven's Gate, debrief the San Francisco VegFest, and take on the Serious Issue of sexting. Plus, the 2010 Canadian churro debate rages on. Rage with us, won't you?

Click here to listen to episode 49.

Episode 48

2010-09-27T19:16:00.001-07:00

Woo woo, now with sound! We talk about meeting the the occupants of The Room and the perils of being Lady Psychiatrists.

Click here to listen to Episode 48

Episode 47

2010-09-20T07:48:00.000-07:00

We find ourselves having to tackle fat hate (AGAIN), take a trip down memory lane, and discuss our worst temp jobs ever.

Click here to listen to Episode 47

Episode 46

2010-09-13T22:14:00.000-07:00

We say some things and do some stuff! Jordan crawls out of her phlegm-crusted sick bed to help Erika dole out advice on vegan PMS coping skills, how to win all liberation movements, and the loudest goddamn background douchebag in all of San Francisco. Yes, braying jackass at Mad Dog in the Fog on the evening of Wednesday, September 8, 2010, we are indeed referring to you.

Click here for Episode 46

Episode 45

2010-08-02T07:58:00.000-07:00

Nuggets of wisdom, Pulitzer-worthy reporting, and additional post-apocalyptic fashion tips.

Click here to listen to Episode 45

Episode 44

2010-07-26T18:48:00.000-07:00

The naked vegetarian feminist controversy du jour; is grass-fed beef or veganism better for the environment (like you have to fucking ask)?; and Jesus’ Middle Initial Does Not Stand for Hardcore.

Click here to listen to Episode 44

In honor of the pending nuptials...

2010-07-22T16:29:00.001-07:00

...of Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston, we'd like to re-open the wound and say "we saw (some of) his junk, too." Presenting the video of our Levi Johnston Playgirl episode!

Watch here or below:

Episode 43

2010-07-19T08:52:00.000-07:00

We discuss childbirth and heavy metal with our very special guest: none other than Jordan's mom!

Click to listen to Episode 43

TCH has a YouTube channel now!

2010-07-06T12:46:00.001-07:00

Erika here, presenting our first video ever! I was bored enough by the world cup putting a halt to my vacation plans that I finally up and learned how to use iMovie. Here you will get a lovely glimpse of the mean, brutal, metal forests of Helsingborg, Sweden. Our friend Bjorn showed us a fox's den at his work (yes, he works in this forest with metal goats. Sweden is fucking awesome, didn't you know that?), scattered with dead prey. There are baby foxes in there, so don't get too upset about the rabbit dying.

Episode 42

2010-06-21T22:01:00.000-07:00

Shit gets serious as we talk about the interconnectedness of all liberation struggles and we need to stop being dicks and competing with each other. Then shit gets seriously ridiculous as Jordan's husband plies us with alcohol and our serious discussion devolves into poop jokes.

Click here to Listen to Episode 42

Episode 41

2010-06-07T01:03:00.000-07:00

We talk about kittens and rainbows. Just kidding! We talk about dying of hypothermia and our cervixes. Then we do a panel discussion on the first ever Portland Vegan Iron Chef competition! Plus the long-anticipated return of The Metal Minute!

Episode 41

Episode For-tay

2010-05-24T00:15:00.000-07:00

Scandals in SF! Plus why the census is important*, why France and Belgium are being pieces of shit right now, and more fun stuff.

*It really is, give enumerators like Erika break, for cryin' out loud

Click here to listen to Episode 40

Episode 39

2010-05-10T11:33:00.000-07:00

We interview Laura of Vegansaurus.com! She is hilarious, sassy, and (gasp!) VEGAN! She loves her caps lock; we love her.

Click here to listen to Episode 39

Episode 38

2010-04-26T10:30:00.000-07:00

We interview Rhys Southan, ex-vegan author of the blog Let Them Eat Meat, and relay a brief dispatch from an observer of San Francisco's most recent Tea Party protest.

Click here to listen to Episode 38

Episode 37

2010-04-19T11:30:00.000-07:00

Our uploading software decided to be a finicky little beyatch last night, so the podcast is a casual late-riser today. But hey, it's still Monday, right?

It's a lovely day in San Francisco! We endure the enraging bemusement that is Haight Street and discuss Jordan's fashion crisis. We come up with the only logical conclusion, which is, of course, post-apocalyptic cat lady style. Also, crafts, emailzes, wedding advice, movie reviews, we meet a cute punk girl, and more!

Click Here to Listen to Episode 37

Some videos and links from recent and future episodes

2010-04-18T23:00:00.000-07:00

We roll fast and loose on The Cosmopolitan Hour, and we realize sometimes you nerdy squares can't keep up with our totally extreme, radical ways. Sorry, babe, that's just how we live.

Here are some videos/links/experiences referenced over the past couple of episodes so you can try to keep up. It's ok to take notes if you have to.

Episode 36-

I talked about the surreal experience of smelling my own teeth melting in the dentist chair while listening to Marc Maron and seeing this horrifing thing not once, but three fucking times.

Giant Clam JIZZING INTO THE OCEAN (the horror starts at 0:29):

The worst part? After about four hours, my dentist says, "you know, I probably should have given you some valium to take." As if the thought just occurred to him. I'm not sure if I needed the valium more for the oral surgery or the clam jizz.

Episode 37-

In tomorrow's episode there is a brief and vague reference to a video having to do with a cat and curry. I assure you, it's all above board. Better than that, it's adorable! And Japanese! You know they don't do shit halfway over there.

Curry Neko!

And here's some crafty links so you can get started on your post-apocalyptic cat lady look at home!

Just check out Silje at Little Bird Crafts. She is so adorable and crafty and gorgeous and badass. But are you surprised? She's a Scandinavian.

You should also look at MrXStich, which I recommended to Jordan after we stopped recording and our cabana boys came out to rub hot oil into our shoulders and blend some ice cold Strawberry-Macadamia ChiChis while we stroked the softest kittens in the world. This blog showcases some of the most experimental, next-level shit in the world of cross-stitch, embroidery, needlepoint, quilting; well, pretty much anything to with threads and fabrics and needles.

Episode 37 is coming tomorrow! Yes, for real. Like, we actually recorded it and it's edited and everything. Gosh, we're so on top of it these days. We even manage to feed and clothe ourselves!

xoxo Erika

Episode 36

2010-04-12T19:49:00.000-07:00

Erika's back from her Utah roadtrip, and the ladies shoot the shit about adultery and feminism in the media, as well as Mormonism, little people, and some other random craziness.

Click here to listen to Episode 36

Episode 35

2010-03-22T11:54:00.000-07:00

We talk about obsessive self-Googler Lierre Keith (hi Lierre!) and her appearance at SF Anarchist Book Fair. Plus two movie reviews of 80s horror classics- with a twist!

Listen to Episode 35

Episode 34

2010-03-15T13:14:00.000-07:00

A few movie reviews, checking in with everyone's favorite psychotic right-winger, and the much-anticipated review of the Levi Johnston issue of Playgirl magazine!

Listen to Episode 34

Episode 33

2010-03-01T11:46:00.000-08:00

Tips on tipping, what we were up to in 1988, and we reintroduce ourselves.

Click here to listen to Episode 33.

We're on Twitter; no longer drive horse-drawn carriages (NV!)

2010-02-22T16:48:00.000-08:00

Don't ask why it took us so long (the answer is that we're unmotivated slobs), but today one of us had the ground-breaking idea of signing up for a Twitter account. One of us has also just downloaded Tweet Deck to aid her in actually tweeting more often than once every two months. I won't say which one of us it is, but she is pretty awesome and has welcomed the 21st century with open arms. SCIENCE!

We're @thecosmohourpod! Yeah, The Cosmopolitan Hour wouldn't fit, nor would just 'cosmopoliotanhour.' We could have just been 'cosmopolitanhou,' but that was weird. Just what the hell do you have against the verbose, Twitter?!

Anyway, follow us @thecosmohourpod and we'll follow you right back!

Episode 32

2010-02-08T22:36:00.000-08:00

We talk about parents and the internet, vegan guilty pleasures, a muddled and confused review of Torchwood, hate on music and tattoo snobs, and bemoan the calorie-counting culture of modern femininity.

Click Here to listen to Episode 32

Episode 31

2010-02-01T11:22:00.001-08:00

We delve into the terrifying minds of ex-vegans and say some really crazy stuff to be noticed by them. We also do some more hatin’ on Whole Foods CEO Wacky John Mackey. A blast from the past as Erika talks about R.L. Stine and Christopher Pike books and reviews 1987 instant classic The Monster Squad. RIP Howard Zinn.

Listen to Episode 31

Didja know? And more coming soon...

2010-01-29T18:20:00.000-08:00

In case you didn't know, you don't need to have an iPod or some other fancy listening device to enjoy our ladylike discourse. All episodes are linked here on the blog and will open a window or tab for the internet archives, where you can listen online. I think it's a quicktime file? I don't know, jeez, what do you want from me?

Of course, you can also subscribe to us on iTunes and listen via your fancy technology. You know, if that's your thing. [Judgmental look]

Also, we'll have a new episode (#31) up on Monday, and it's my fault that there's such a lag between I have been a slack editor (I being Erika, who is typing this right now). Jordan and I already have plans to record #32 next week, so OH MY GAWSH we might actually have new episodes two weeks in a row! Just like old times!

Finally, I googled us because I'm extremely vain and in addition to the Post Punk Kitchen, I have to give shout-outs to those who talked us up/linked to us on VegWeb and Luciana's Vegan Kitchen. And someone named Retro YouTube is tweeting about us, too, which is awesome because we're not retro at all (unless we've gone back in time [I just started watching Lost for the first time so please excuse my paranoia]). Thanks dudes and dudettes!

OK, time to eat my vegan mac-n-cheese, snuggle with one small and one enormous dog, and catch up on The Soup. Mmmmm, Joel McHale, so melty....

Episode 30

2010-01-28T10:52:00.001-08:00

We discuss Haiti, Sarah Palin’s Fox News debut, plus is Glenn Beck secretly a vegan lesbian? Stupid drivers, sassin’ back to rude people, historical fiction, and has retro fashion gone too far? Two words- ankle zips.

Episode 30

Episode 29

2010-01-04T12:44:00.000-08:00

The super-late holidays/New Year’s episode! We discuss popular bands we secretly and not-so-secretly hate and have an awesome ex-boyfriend-bashing session. Who will win the Manipulative Liar Showdown, Nude Nature Boy or Ol’ One Testicle? But who’s this dark horse, Fake HIV Meth Addict? Tune in and decide the winner (or supreme loser) for yourself! Send us your bad ex-boy/girlfriend stories at TheCosmopolitanHour (at) Gmail (dot) com!

Retractions and corrections: Erika has huffed too much Elmer’s glue and her brain is scrambled and she refers to Billy Idol as “Billy Joel.” She apologizes to Mr. Idol and his family.

Episode 29

Episode 28

2009-11-23T19:29:00.000-08:00

It's Episode 28! Live from Oakland's Revolution Cafe! We say things and do stuff. What do want from me? Just listen to it already!

Episode 28

Episode 27

2009-11-09T17:01:00.000-08:00

The much-anticipated return of The Cosmopolitan Hour! We explain our unusually long absence and babysit a ridiculous 150 lb. dog.

Episode 27

Episode 26

2009-09-28T00:51:00.000-07:00

We talk about marriage hatahs, custom plates, leather daddies, and more.

Episode 26

Episode 25

2009-09-14T11:08:00.000-07:00

This one’s for the dudes! We discuss a few ads that have been pissing us off lately that try to give men the body image mindfuck that women have been “enjoying” for the past couple of millennia. Plus a dispatch on the richest county in the United States and we respond to a few comments from listeners! You can email us directly at TheCosmopolitanHour@gmail.com.

Episode 25

Episode 24

2009-08-31T10:05:00.000-07:00

We started this one with good intentions to talk about sizeism, we really did. Then it sort of degenerates into a messy sludge of distraction, background beeps and roars, and Jordan's insatiable mobile phone. Listen at your own risk.

Episode 24

A Very Special Episode of The Cosmopolitan Hour: Mackeycare

2009-08-24T15:33:00.000-07:00

We fly off the fucking handle and rip into Whole Foods founder and CEO John Mackey's All-American Health Care Solution for a full hour plus. Bring extra towels, we're really foaming at the mouth for this one.

Mackeycare! ...(not a musical)

Episode 23

2009-08-10T11:49:00.000-07:00

A Very Special Episode in which we talk about study drugs. Plus more Glenn Beck nonsense, Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo, and we get all ranty and feminist. Also tune in to hear Jordan ask Erika, “what kinds of things do two elderly wizards do on a date?”

Episode 23

Episode 22

2009-08-03T09:25:00.000-07:00

OMG We answer our emailzes!!! And answer a listener’s challenge to give her vegan tattoo ideas. You want to chip in? She’s open to suggestions, so email us! We add an addendum to last week’s Douchebag award winner Glen Beck, and introduce this week’s winner, Derrick Jensen! We wrap up with a talk about the finest cultural offerings the Western Hemisphere has to offer, from Kevin Federline to Insane Clown Posse.

Episode 22

Episode 21

2009-07-27T11:12:00.000-07:00

We reiterate the true meaning of 'vegan' and enjoy a round-table discussion on The Room. Also with a bonus commentary track for the last five minutes of Daisy of Love!

Episode 21

Episode 20

2009-07-12T23:52:00.000-07:00

In this episode, we start out by talking about kick-ass sea creatures, then move on to batshit-crazy celebrities we hate, like Victoria Jackson and Bono! Listeners of this podcast will also hear A Beautiful Joke and a review of Tommy Wiseau’s cinematic tour-de-force The Room. We debate who has the nastiest culinary heritage: is it Jordan and the Scottish haggis, or Erika with the Swedish pickled herring? Emily Deschanel is vegan, but her show Bones is ridiculous- at least when it tries to take on Norwegian black metal. And we review the new vegan candy bars from Go Max Go foods.

Episode 20

Episode 19

2009-07-06T14:41:00.000-07:00

Our most vegan episode to date! In a desperate and shameless bid to win some write-in votes for VegNews' Best Vegan Podcast, we talk about this and that- but with a common, uniting theme. Everything's VEGAN! Imagine that.

Episode 19

Episode 18

2009-06-29T11:32:00.001-07:00

We answer some emails, introduce you to the man of our dreams, talk some more about feminism and grooming, Intervention, and movies about the rapture starring celebrities. A mega monster episode!

Episode 18

Episode 17

2009-06-22T17:56:00.000-07:00

Another live drinkcast from Bender's Bar and Grill! Also with two special guests: Jamie and Molly, one of whom is a dog. Can you guess which one? We talk about men with bangs, more Iron Maiden, and the craziest neighbors ever.

Episode 17

Episode 16

2009-06-15T18:00:00.000-07:00

We talk about feminist stuff and apocalypse movies. Not the cool ones, the ones with Kirk Cameron. Listen to it now. We own you!!!

Episode 16

Episode 15

2009-06-08T11:34:00.000-07:00

We're back with a whimper! A continuation of Episode 14 and a small addendum from Erika on where to stuff your face in the Schengen states. Vaygun Schengen! Links coming to the blog soon. Regular weekly podcasting begins again, starting now! Woo!

Episode 15

Episode 14

2009-05-11T00:40:00.000-07:00

In this very sophisticated episode, we give you the secret to solving all your money problems. In the cultural arena, we weigh the artistic merits of Keanu Reeves films from 1988-1992 and the Caruso One-Liner.

Episode 14

Episode 13

2009-05-04T08:18:00.000-07:00

Another live drinkcast, but this time with caffeine instead of booze! We muck it up on site from Mojo Cafe, covering such topics as gross body parts, swine flu, paranoia, moms, dicks, cell phone etiquette, golfing, and Bruce Dickinson's pants. Plus we admire some guy's amazing hair and suffer through The Smiths. Enjoy!

Episode 13

Episode 12

2009-04-27T00:01:00.001-07:00

The winningest exes, Leonard Part 6 and the vegan prophesy, Molly the killer kanine, Iron Maiden, Skinny Bastard, and more!

Episode 12

Robots Win

2009-04-20T17:15:00.000-07:00

I personally welcome our new robot overlords.

Episode 11

2009-04-20T09:02:00.001-07:00

It's just us losers this week, as we talk teabagging, name-calling, feminism, wrasslin', Jem and the Holograms, Teen Witch, Desperate Living, and the art of taking advice.

Episode 11

Episode 10

2009-04-13T00:21:00.000-07:00

With special guests Isa Chandra Moskowitz, Melisser the Urban Housewife, and Strummer the Terrorhemoth! Blah blah blah...

Episode 10

Episode 9

2009-03-30T00:03:00.000-07:00

We're back with another special guest! Another installation in our ongoing series examining Shit Talking, talk about suitable vegan dickmeat substitute, embracing shiftlessness, roid rage, and teabagging.

Episode 9

Episode 8

2009-03-16T00:28:00.000-07:00

A live, prerecorded drinkcast from Bender's Bar and Grill! This episode is all about being unemployed: the worst bosses, the best in stolen office supplies, and the soul-crushingest work music. With special guest Jaymoh! This episode is a wee bit short thanks to the two burnt-out dilds who showed up and ruined the last ten minutes of the program with their obnoxious background yammering. Thanks for being a friend!

Episode 8

Skills

2009-03-12T17:00:00.000-07:00

I just saw this on YouTube and was blown away. As total schmoes who are slowly learning the art of editing, mixing, sampling, etc. on the iGeneration-version of a preschool-level editing program, we can more than appreciate the effort, vision, and straight up skills that went into this. Golf clap.

A finder's golf clap goes to Ben of Suicide Food (via the Post Punk Kitchen). Sir, you are a gentleman and an adventurer.
--Erika

Episode 7

2009-03-09T13:00:00.000-07:00

Report back from Wondercon 2009, cooking boners*, gays vs. animals, Internet urban legends, spam, BART people, gossip you don't get to hear about some stupid chick in LA, and another edition of Weird Shit in Jordan's House. Support HOOTEN's 600 mile bike trip from Portland, Oregon, to Orland, California to raise money for Farm Animal Sanctuary! Plus Erika sounds like an 80 year old Reno cocktail waitress and stuffs her face.

*by 'boners,' we mean 'bloopers.'

Episode 7

Episode 6

2009-03-02T00:12:00.000-08:00

Talkin' 'bout cilantro, feminist and non-feminist movies, haunted houses, and the exciting world of T-shirts, plus Mike the Errant Husband creates a bunch of ruckus while insisting he doesn't want to be on the show.

Episode 6

Episode 5

2009-02-23T00:46:00.001-08:00

Our most craptacularly nonsensical episode ever! In between Molly the dog's rude attempts to alternately ruin the recording and kick Jordan's ass, we manage to wrap up some loose ends from last week's Shit Talkin' Time, explore our favorite roadside attractions the world over, and wonder aloud why frat boys manage to get good bands play at their stupid houses. Plus sneak previews of a hawt new vegan blog and Cafe Gratitude's raw and vegan Mission district taqueria.

Episode 5

Episode 4

2009-02-16T08:27:00.000-08:00

Headline news, polydactylism, and an epic Shit Talkin' Time segment on PETA. Also, February is Zombie Preparedness Month-- Are you ready? Jordan and Erika talk about the relative safety of their homes against zombies, and pass along zombie-related dispatches from Katie and Brian Badmouth of Don't Eat Off the Sidewalk and Pranjal of The Metal Minute(s). Plus, a new edition of Weird Shit in Jordan's House. We pass the value on to YOU!

Episode 4

Episode 3

2009-02-09T01:08:00.000-08:00

Tater tots, Headline News, Evangelical fashion, crime-fighting fashion, and Weird Stuff In Jordan's House. Jordan reviews Tropic Thunder and brags about Canada. Erika reviews Otto; Or, Up With Dead People. The startling truth about Josh Hooten and Michael J. Fox is revealed. Plus dispatches from Katie Badmouth, editor of Don't Eat Off The Sidewalk; Pranjal's Funny Stories; and The Metal Minute. Isa Chandra Moskowitz's dispatch is a piece of poo due to technical difficulties :(.

Episode 3

Episode 2

2009-01-30T10:28:00.000-08:00

The Cosmopolitan Hour debuts the new feature "Shit Talkin' Time." Jordan and Erika also talk about Battlestar Galactica (featuring fan art), Hitler's acting career, the Duggar family freakshow, their undying hatred of hippies, the Furminator, and Rhinestone: an early 80s interpretation of Shaw's Pygmalion by Sylvester Stallone and Dolly Parton. All our correspondents are MIA except for The Metal Minute. Thanks a lot, jerks!

Episode 2

Episode 1

2009-01-26T19:38:00.000-08:00

Presenting the premiere episode of The Cosmopolitan Hour, a new podcast featuring rude vegan feminists Erika and Jordan. In the first episode, we introduce ourselves, have a great San Francisco Burrito-off, discuss a few movies, and some other fun stuff.

Episode 1