Episode 54

Our first episode using new and improved technology! We discuss language, gender, the news, and Erika's dogs get really, really weird.

Click Here to Listen to Episode 54!

Episode 53

Weather! Balls! Gender! We cut out the five minutes of Jordan and Erika trying to get a good photo of Molly with her ears flipped inside out. Because we’re professionals. But not professional enough to keep the cell phone far away from the mic! Enjoy!

Click here to listen to Episode 53

Episode 52

We discuss Buy Nothing Day, Lifetime movies, and the horrifying details of the jobs we quit after one day: Chair-eating rats! Pouches of sauce! The casual breakroom racism!

Click here to listen to Episode 52.

Episode 51

In this episode we explore Kentucky fried justice, vegan sex lives, fitness and well-being (including the conceptualization of The Cosmopolitan Hour Booze Workout), and run the gamut of vegan girly media: the tired ‘culture clash’ scenario, Veronica Mars, Twin Peaks, Battlestar Galactica, and more!

Click Here to Listen to Episode 51

Our 50th Episode Gift to You

We are so filled with love that we went back and made sure that every single one of our episodes is still available for you to listen to online! Well, that, and Erika really needed to do something productive to self-justify quitting her latest temp assignment after only one horrible day.*

The service that hosts our episodes, Internet Archive, is a non-profit that hosts all sorts of media files for free in the interests of enriching the cultural history of humanity. Which means they probably didn't count on slobs like us crashing their party, but also means that we can't complain too much when they do annoying things like change the location of our files so that hotlinks on the blog no longer work.

But it's all water under the bridge now, and all the missing episodes are re-linked in their respective blog entries on this very site! You may now, once again, listen to Episodes 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 30, 31, 33, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, and 47 online, right on your computer. I could hotlink all those episodes in this post but goddamn, no way.

If, in the future, you are unable to listen to an episode from the blog, please let us know and we'll do what we can to fix it! You can email us at TheCosmopolitanHour (at) gmaildotcom or write on our Facebook wall. And if it's really really urgent, like you need to settle a bet with your friend about whether you can totally hear Isa Chandra Moskowitz farting in the background of Episode 10, you can find all our episodes by searching for "The Cosmopolitan Hour" on www.archive.org.

Thanks for listening!

*Details coming in Episode 51!

Episode 50 ExtraVeganZa!

It's the 50th Episode, you dudes! To celebrate, we drink some actual Cosmopolitans, get sloppy, and say ridiculous shit. Plus, another one of Pranjal's Funny Stories, stompin' on fat haters, and the dish on the 20th High School reunion. Not one of ours, Jordan's husband's, because he's old.

Click here to Listen!

Episode 49

Two very special guests join us in the recording studio (aka Casanova Lounge): representing the Vancouver Giant Vagina Society and the East Coast Franco-Canadian Cult Deprogramming Association, respectively, are Jordan's siblings Jamie and Jessica. We discuss Supreme Master and Heaven's Gate, debrief the San Francisco VegFest, and take on the Serious Issue of sexting. Plus, the 2010 Canadian churro debate rages on. Rage with us, won't you?

Click here to listen to episode 49.

Episode 48

Woo woo, now with sound! We talk about meeting the the occupants of The Room and the perils of being Lady Psychiatrists.

Click here to listen to Episode 48

Episode 47

We find ourselves having to tackle fat hate (AGAIN), take a trip down memory lane, and discuss our worst temp jobs ever.

Click here to listen to Episode 47

Episode 46

We say some things and do some stuff! Jordan crawls out of her phlegm-crusted sick bed to help Erika dole out advice on vegan PMS coping skills, how to win all liberation movements, and the loudest goddamn background douchebag in all of San Francisco. Yes, braying jackass at Mad Dog in the Fog on the evening of Wednesday, September 8, 2010, we are indeed referring to you.

Click here for Episode 46

Episode 45

Nuggets of wisdom, Pulitzer-worthy reporting, and additional post-apocalyptic fashion tips.

Click here to listen to Episode 45

Episode 44

The naked vegetarian feminist controversy du jour; is grass-fed beef or veganism better for the environment (like you have to fucking ask)?; and Jesus’ Middle Initial Does Not Stand for Hardcore.

Click here to listen to Episode 44

In honor of the pending nuptials...

...of Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston, we'd like to re-open the wound and say "we saw (some of) his junk, too." Presenting the video of our Levi Johnston Playgirl episode!

Watch here or below:

Episode 43

We discuss childbirth and heavy metal with our very special guest: none other than Jordan's mom!

Click to listen to Episode 43

TCH has a YouTube channel now!

Erika here, presenting our first video ever! I was bored enough by the world cup putting a halt to my vacation plans that I finally up and learned how to use iMovie. Here you will get a lovely glimpse of the mean, brutal, metal forests of Helsingborg, Sweden. Our friend Bjorn showed us a fox's den at his work (yes, he works in this forest with metal goats. Sweden is fucking awesome, didn't you know that?), scattered with dead prey. There are baby foxes in there, so don't get too upset about the rabbit dying.

Episode 42

Shit gets serious as we talk about the interconnectedness of all liberation struggles and we need to stop being dicks and competing with each other. Then shit gets seriously ridiculous as Jordan's husband plies us with alcohol and our serious discussion devolves into poop jokes.

Click here to Listen to Episode 42

Episode 41

We talk about kittens and rainbows. Just kidding! We talk about dying of hypothermia and our cervixes. Then we do a panel discussion on the first ever Portland Vegan Iron Chef competition! Plus the long-anticipated return of The Metal Minute!

Episode 41

Episode For-tay

Scandals in SF! Plus why the census is important*, why France and Belgium are being pieces of shit right now, and more fun stuff.

*It really is, give enumerators like Erika break, for cryin' out loud

Click here to listen to Episode 40

Episode 39

We interview Laura of Vegansaurus.com! She is hilarious, sassy, and (gasp!) VEGAN! She loves her caps lock; we love her.

Click here to listen to Episode 39

Episode 38

We interview Rhys Southan, ex-vegan author of the blog Let Them Eat Meat, and relay a brief dispatch from an observer of San Francisco's most recent Tea Party protest.

Click here to listen to Episode 38

Episode 37

Our uploading software decided to be a finicky little beyatch last night, so the podcast is a casual late-riser today. But hey, it's still Monday, right?

It's a lovely day in San Francisco! We endure the enraging bemusement that is Haight Street and discuss Jordan's fashion crisis. We come up with the only logical conclusion, which is, of course, post-apocalyptic cat lady style. Also, crafts, emailzes, wedding advice, movie reviews, we meet a cute punk girl, and more!

Click Here to Listen to Episode 37

Some videos and links from recent and future episodes

We roll fast and loose on The Cosmopolitan Hour, and we realize sometimes you nerdy squares can't keep up with our totally extreme, radical ways. Sorry, babe, that's just how we live.

Here are some videos/links/experiences referenced over the past couple of episodes so you can try to keep up. It's ok to take notes if you have to.

Episode 36-

I talked about the surreal experience of smelling my own teeth melting in the dentist chair while listening to Marc Maron and seeing this horrifing thing not once, but three fucking times.

Giant Clam JIZZING INTO THE OCEAN (the horror starts at 0:29):

The worst part? After about four hours, my dentist says, "you know, I probably should have given you some valium to take." As if the thought just occurred to him. I'm not sure if I needed the valium more for the oral surgery or the clam jizz.

Episode 37-

In tomorrow's episode there is a brief and vague reference to a video having to do with a cat and curry. I assure you, it's all above board. Better than that, it's adorable! And Japanese! You know they don't do shit halfway over there.

Curry Neko!

And here's some crafty links so you can get started on your post-apocalyptic cat lady look at home!

Just check out Silje at Little Bird Crafts. She is so adorable and crafty and gorgeous and badass. But are you surprised? She's a Scandinavian.

You should also look at MrXStich, which I recommended to Jordan after we stopped recording and our cabana boys came out to rub hot oil into our shoulders and blend some ice cold Strawberry-Macadamia ChiChis while we stroked the softest kittens in the world. This blog showcases some of the most experimental, next-level shit in the world of cross-stitch, embroidery, needlepoint, quilting; well, pretty much anything to with threads and fabrics and needles.

Episode 37 is coming tomorrow! Yes, for real. Like, we actually recorded it and it's edited and everything. Gosh, we're so on top of it these days. We even manage to feed and clothe ourselves!

xoxo Erika

Episode 36

Erika's back from her Utah roadtrip, and the ladies shoot the shit about adultery and feminism in the media, as well as Mormonism, little people, and some other random craziness.

Click here to listen to Episode 36

Episode 35

We talk about obsessive self-Googler Lierre Keith (hi Lierre!) and her appearance at SF Anarchist Book Fair. Plus two movie reviews of 80s horror classics- with a twist!

Listen to Episode 35

Episode 34

A few movie reviews, checking in with everyone's favorite psychotic right-winger, and the much-anticipated review of the Levi Johnston issue of Playgirl magazine!

Listen to Episode 34

Episode 33

Tips on tipping, what we were up to in 1988, and we reintroduce ourselves.

Click here to listen to Episode 33.

We're on Twitter; no longer drive horse-drawn carriages (NV!)

Don't ask why it took us so long (the answer is that we're unmotivated slobs), but today one of us had the ground-breaking idea of signing up for a Twitter account. One of us has also just downloaded Tweet Deck to aid her in actually tweeting more often than once every two months. I won't say which one of us it is, but she is pretty awesome and has welcomed the 21st century with open arms. SCIENCE!

We're @thecosmohourpod! Yeah, The Cosmopolitan Hour wouldn't fit, nor would just 'cosmopoliotanhour.' We could have just been 'cosmopolitanhou,' but that was weird. Just what the hell do you have against the verbose, Twitter?!

Anyway, follow us @thecosmohourpod and we'll follow you right back!

Episode 32

We talk about parents and the internet, vegan guilty pleasures, a muddled and confused review of Torchwood, hate on music and tattoo snobs, and bemoan the calorie-counting culture of modern femininity.

Click Here to listen to Episode 32

Episode 31

We delve into the terrifying minds of ex-vegans and say some really crazy stuff to be noticed by them. We also do some more hatin’ on Whole Foods CEO Wacky John Mackey. A blast from the past as Erika talks about R.L. Stine and Christopher Pike books and reviews 1987 instant classic The Monster Squad. RIP Howard Zinn.

Listen to Episode 31

Didja know? And more coming soon...

In case you didn't know, you don't need to have an iPod or some other fancy listening device to enjoy our ladylike discourse. All episodes are linked here on the blog and will open a window or tab for the internet archives, where you can listen online. I think it's a quicktime file? I don't know, jeez, what do you want from me?

Of course, you can also subscribe to us on iTunes and listen via your fancy technology. You know, if that's your thing. [Judgmental look]

Also, we'll have a new episode (#31) up on Monday, and it's my fault that there's such a lag between I have been a slack editor (I being Erika, who is typing this right now). Jordan and I already have plans to record #32 next week, so OH MY GAWSH we might actually have new episodes two weeks in a row! Just like old times!

Finally, I googled us because I'm extremely vain and in addition to the Post Punk Kitchen, I have to give shout-outs to those who talked us up/linked to us on VegWeb and Luciana's Vegan Kitchen. And someone named Retro YouTube is tweeting about us, too, which is awesome because we're not retro at all (unless we've gone back in time [I just started watching Lost for the first time so please excuse my paranoia]). Thanks dudes and dudettes!

OK, time to eat my vegan mac-n-cheese, snuggle with one small and one enormous dog, and catch up on The Soup. Mmmmm, Joel McHale, so melty....

Episode 30

We discuss Haiti, Sarah Palin’s Fox News debut, plus is Glenn Beck secretly a vegan lesbian? Stupid drivers, sassin’ back to rude people, historical fiction, and has retro fashion gone too far? Two words- ankle zips.

Episode 30

Episode 29

The super-late holidays/New Year’s episode! We discuss popular bands we secretly and not-so-secretly hate and have an awesome ex-boyfriend-bashing session. Who will win the Manipulative Liar Showdown, Nude Nature Boy or Ol’ One Testicle? But who’s this dark horse, Fake HIV Meth Addict? Tune in and decide the winner (or supreme loser) for yourself! Send us your bad ex-boy/girlfriend stories at TheCosmopolitanHour (at) Gmail (dot) com!

Retractions and corrections: Erika has huffed too much Elmer’s glue and her brain is scrambled and she refers to Billy Idol as “Billy Joel.” She apologizes to Mr. Idol and his family.

Episode 29